By Rev. Carol Bodeau
Dear Friends,
It seems like every conversation I get into these days is intense. We are all, it seems, feeling pretty passionate and riled up. I wake in the night fretting about the world’s problems. I hear things on the streets and in casual conversations that make me more reactive than usual. Even writing this week’s sermon I found myself more agitated and feisty than I typically get.
It seems like many of us are dancing between passionate upset and forced patience with the situation. In the face of immense collective uncertainty, it’s hard to know how to respond. Do we fight? Do we flee (either from the country, or from reality)? Do we freeze into place, and just try to wait it out? Or do we try to make things as bearable as possible, for ourselves and others, and not disturb the waters too much?
All of these responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—are natural nervous system responses to threat. And they are all totally normal and expected at a time like this. And yet, I have to ask myself, is there a better way? What does responding, instead of reacting, look like? As I said again in this last Sunday’s service on justice work, fear is a terrible fuel source. It’s great for short bursts of energy, but not very sustainable for the long haul. And the concerns we are facing right now are long haul ones. No matter what happens in the coming months and years, we know that we need to be resilient, connected to community, and practicing really good self care. Without these, it will be hard to make a difference in some big, complex, challenging situations.
So here’s a short list of things you might try, to shift from fight/flight/freeze/fawn reactions into more steady, and sustainable responses.
• Breathe. Really, just breathe. And slow down. Don’t let your panicked nervous system convince you there’s not time for that.
• Ask curious questions from a place of having breathed. Do this with actual curiosity, instead of making lots of imperative statements about true/untrue or right/wrong.
• Use the words “I feel” more often, and the words “you/they should” less often.
• Go for a walk outside, and hug a tree. Literally.
• Put your bare feet in the dirt, even when it’s cold.
• Come to potluck, or spiritual practices, or a book discussion, or an evening chat. Make connections with others who share your concerns.
• Read one piece of good news every week (or every day, if you can).
• Try that silly old device of thinking of things you are grateful for. See if you can focus on what’s working, rather than what’s going wrong, for part of every day.
• Do something of service, even the simplest thing, for another being (human or otherwise).
• Take a nap.
• Make your own list of things that make you feel better, that bring you peace or joy. And then practice the things on that list.
The purpose of a spiritual or values-based community like Westside is sharing both joys and challenges. We are not alone, and we are stronger in each other’s company.
May your month be filled with a sense that brighter, warmer days are always just around the bend.
In faith and hope,
Rev. Carol